


I am happy

by david_bowie



Category: sweet pool
Genre: Amnesia, Cuddling, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Multiple chapters, School Life, Slow Build, happy AU?, makoto and tetsuo ARE FRIENDS, romantic, smut will happen later i promise, tetsuo smiles, youji is confused because nothing sad is happening to him as he's used to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 05:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/david_bowie/pseuds/david_bowie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youji has finally understood the terror and horror of what his life has been moulded into but suddenly wakes up in Tetsuo's room in a world where the terror does not exist. Was it truly just a nightmare? Does Tetsuo love him now that he doesnt seem to be a mesu anymore? Can he live his life as a happy, normal teenager?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This is it. This is truly the end. Youji could feel his body is on fire and his skin felt like it was melting, feeling the liquid of blood and entrails sliding down his limbs. His eyelids felt too heavy to open but he knew where he was. Tetsuo gripped onto his mid torso and had his head buried in Youji's chest. Youiji let out a whimper with the utter despair he was feeling. These last few days, he felt for the first time connected to a person and can say he felt love. He loved his sister but Tetsuo untapped something more. He visited his house. He met his mother. He found out he wears glasses. He works at a bar. He was adopted. He has a soft spot for cats. He was the only one who had the same body as him. He loved Tetsuo so so much. But this is the end. This body -  _I hate this body  -_ its because of this he couldn't have found out more about him. What does he like to eat. What does he want to study in college. He's never been to my apartment or seen my room. I haven't introduced him to my sister. He hasn't seen my baby nephew.

This is our fate and our bodies are engraved of this ending. Youji's burning skin stung as his fingers gripped Tetsuo's golden hair desperately, wanting to burst into tears. In that moment he could see flashing red; blood and meat flickering and his form melting, fusing with Tetsuo's -  _I'm together with him at the end I'm happy and heartbroken -_

 

Youji suddenly gasped loudly and his eyes flew open. His chest stung on how strongly he in took air. His eyes stared at a cream ceiling with a fan slowly spinning and humming. His eyes fluttered, feeling dizzy. But his skin felt cool and not searing hot. Youji felt his hands gripping on bedsheets and slowly let them go, feeling around him. Surprisingly, he found himself on a large white bed. No blood. No meat. No anything. He slowly rose, being weary of what state his body could be in. But no, he looked at his hands and down his body. He was nude only with a thin blanket over his waist but his skin was glowing and clean and not have a sickly tint. Utterly confused, Youji looked around the bed - it was dark, at night so he couldn't make out much besides the above humming of the fan.  _This definitely isn't my own room, my bed isn't this size._ Youji found himself breathing loudly, clutching and unclutching his hands. He could still feel the heavy sensation of that nightmare a minute ago. That was true horror, he could feel his body distort and lose form. He bit his lip with the thought and held his sides with his hands. 

An outside noise pulled Youji out of his trance and his head snapped up. A toilet flush and water running from a tap. It was almost foreign to Youji how normal these sounds were. He could hear footsteps on wood and he gripped the sheet under him. His panic spiked with the thought it could be someone like Zenya's father or those people who wanted him to create the Pure Breed coming after him again. 

The door creaked open and a large body walked towards Youji.

'T-Testuo?' Youji's tiny voice cracked as he asked in the dark. He heard a click and the lamp beside the large bed illuminated the room. Tetsuo's room. With Tetsuo's low table they worked on before. The ground where Youji slept and found Tetsuo leaning on his shoulder. Tetsuo stood in front of Youji in his powerful and masculine demeanour, his tanned skin glowing in the small light. His dominant golden eyes stared at Youji as he curled up on himself.

'Hm? Something wrong?' He spoke in his low voice. He sat down on the bed next to Youji and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Youji was speechless and could only make choking small choking noises as he stared at Tetsuo with wide eyes. His hands hovered towards him and touched his bare muscular chest.

_Its.....really Tetsuo. This is Tetsuo. This is his body, his face, his eyes._

Tetsuo stared at the slightly smaller boy with one brow raised and held one of his hands. He peered into Youiji's bewildered face, scanning to see what's wrong. Youji shook his head and threw himself against the familiar comfort of his chest and wrapped his arms around his torso. Tetsuo automatically returned his hold by framing Youji's with his bigger arms, staring down at his dark, silky hair.

'Are you really Tetsuo? Are you real?' Youji's voice was muffled, being buried into the dark skin. Tetsuo didn't respond immediately but hummed in agreement. He leaned slowly backwards into the bed, one arm holding Youji's frame and one clicking the lamp again. He twisted them both and pulled the blanket over their bodies. Youiji squeezed his eyes in sheer happiness of this comfort he knows so well. This position echoed the terror he felt previously but his body wasn't in pain or burning. Tetsou's heat wrapped around him like a pleasant thought.

_This is a beautiful and miserable dream. I get to see what a normal life I could've have with Tetsuo. Sleeping in his bed and being together_

Youji let his mind wander and felt his conscious slip slowly as he was held tightly by his beloved.

 

Youji was surprised when he woke up in the same room, same bed. The room was warm with the sunlight shining through the window, he could even hear birds outside. Youji ran his hand through his hair and looked around again. Tetsuo was gone again so Youji couldn't believe that peaceful moment last night still actually happened. He decided to get up from the bed, his face immediately flushed when the sheet fell to the ground, a reminder that he's still nude. He found a shirt on the ground and a pair of shorts and put them on quickly. The shirt was big on him and hung on his shoulders a bit. He walked out of the room and if he remembered correctly, turned left which would led to the kitchen. He pushed the door quietly, peering into the extending gap - Youji was still uneasy. But there was Tetsuo standing near the counter, pouring hot water into two mugs. He turned around and stopped when he noticed Youji hiding behind the door.

'Good morning. You woke up later than usual' A slight teasing tone was in his deep voice as he casually greeted Youji.

'.....good morning.' Youji replied as he walked into the kitchen. Tetsuo carried the two mugs and brought them to the table where they ate once before with his mother. Tetsuo looked at Youji and gestured to him to sit down. Youji pulled out the chair opposite and stared at the mug. It was tea and from the smell of it, it's one of the same ones he owns in his own apartment.

'You look good' Tetsuo commented

'W-what?' Youji's head rose to look at his face in confusion.

'In my shirt. You look good' He nodded at him while he sipped at his tea. Youji felt his cheeks flush at the compliment. Tetsuo never really directly commented on his appearance before and he felt a bit shy about that. 

It was strange, this type of scene, the two of them in Tetsuo's house drinking tea in the morning. Youji's mind was bursting to tell him to enjoy this and be happy but in the back of his head he still didn't understand  _why_  this was happening. Youji recounted his memories of the past few days where it was him being called to the school alone, Zenya's father, Zenya, Tetsuo arriving and saving him. They ran, all around the school. Completely surrounded by rotting smells and blood dripping from the walls. It was a nightmare that he knew that was happening because Tetsuo held his hand as they tried to escape. He could almost feel the throbbing pain in his legs with the thought of all the running they did.

But here he was, unharmed in Tetsuo's kitchen.  _Did any of that happened at all?_

'Your tea is getting cold. I thought that one was your favourite' Tetsuo's voice cut into Youji's thoughts. Youiji suddenly felt guilty that he barely acknowledged Tetsuo at all.

'S-sorry, I'm still just...a bit sleepy. But thank you, this is my favourite tea....how did you know?' Youiji asked in genuine curiosity.

'You told me yourself. So I bought a box for you to have in my house' Tetsuo's eyes seemed to scan Youji's face again and he couldn't help but to break the eye contact. He wasn't sure why he felt so embarrassed and shy around him right now. There was a slight silence for a few minutes until Tetsuo spoke again.

'Is your...body ok? From last night?' He asked, still staring.

Last night? What? It clicked then and Youji felt stupid not putting two and two together quicker. He woke up nude in Tetsuo's bed. What else could've happened.

But on that thought he did feel slight strain in lower back. Youiji let out a little laugh and Tetsuo's face perked up from the sound. Youji picked up the mug and blew on the tea.

'Regardless, nothing stops you.'  

 

Youji turned on the shower and took off Tetsuo's shirt and his boxers and gingerly stepped into the tub. He closed his eyes as he felt the hot water rain on him.

Tetsuo hasn't mentioned anything from what happened at the classroom or the rooftop. Or anything about the ritual. If anything he seems to be chattier than usual and more relaxed. Youji was always happy to see new sides of him, see different glints in his eyes. But he was frustrated that he couldn't quite relax with him. His thoughts were still nagging at the back of his mind. Is that cult and its' followers around? Are they looking for him and Tetsuo right now? With that thought he looked at his chest. His scar from the accident was still there. He lightly touched around it - the car crash happened. His parents were still dead. But does that still mean his father sacrificed himself for Youji? 

Youji rinsed his body quickly and stepped out. Youji looked at himself in the fogged up mirror as he slicked his dark hair back. He's going to ask Tetsuo. He's going to ask his sister again at the hospital and see Makato too.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry that i upload at snail's pace i am super busy with college but i really want to do this fic too so stay tuned! comment to talk to me if u wanna and we can talk about youji together   
> also i cant remember the name of makoto's dog lmao its jenny or something right

Youji wiped the fogged up mirror in Tetsuo's bathroom and looked at his appearance. First thought was that he didn't look like himself, but he knew he still looks the way he would usually keep his appearance. His hair seems to have grown a little longer but his general complexion looked healthy. He was always in poor health before all of the meat incidents so it was what he was used to. But weirdly this body he has now, seems to be in good shape. His skin wasn't deathly pale, but it glowed white instead and his eyes weren't tired looking. Youji had to walk away from the mirror as he felt unfamiliar in this state and shook off any further thoughts. He collected his clothes from the ground and cleaned up a bit, he paused when he heard light knocking.

'Youji?' He slightly blushed, still not quite used to hearing Tetsuo call his first name. 'Can I come in?' Youji quickly wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door, letting the warm air escape. They both looked at eachother for a few seconds and Youji got bashful again seeing the clear adoring gaze from Tetsuo.

'...what is it?'

'I just got a call and I have to change shift at the bar.' Youji nodded, slightly confused of the information. Tetsuo waited for any reaction but then continued. 'I'm sorry, we planned to spend the weekend together but now I have to leave.' Tetsuo leaned on the door frame, Youji watching him seeing how this was his body language of feeling guilty. Tetsuo never breaks eye contact, so it's his slight shuffling that Youji picks up on. He grins to himself, knowing that no-one would really pick up Tetsuo's hints of what he's thinking and feeling.

'Hey, it's alright. I was thinking of seeing my sister so I can call her later.' Youji was going to reach to comfort him but remembered his towel would most likely fall. Tetsuo straightened his back and tilted his head down towards Youji's height. 'Can I call over to your apartment when I'm finished?' His golden eyes pierced through his long blonde lashes and Youji was stunned for a second and being constantly reminded how handsome he really is. In that second he felt a bit inadequate of his own looks in comparison. Youji always felt weird about his body image but this is a new experience going out with someone who always gazes at him. His shoulders slumped into themselves to hide his body a bit without thinking and looked up at Tetsuo quickly. 'Yeah, of course.'

'Ok, I'm sorry again, I'll make it up to you.'

 

Youji left the house in a daze because Tetsuo didn't let him leave without a goodbye full of tight embraces and kisses. He starts walking towards the train station and it felt good that it still looked the same and felt the same. Youji is trying to find what's different and what's the same, but what's different so far aren't bad things. Youji stepped on the train and the door slid closed behind him. He sat down and placed his shoulder bag beside him. _Ok time to recollect_. _Again_. So far he felt so no pain in his lower stomach or anything symptoms like it. But he doesn't want to count that out yet out. Tetsuo seems happy and affectionate. Youji felt bad again that he didn't respond much to his affectionate mood this morning or didn't chat much. But also with that thought, he was really happy that Tetsuo is ok and is with him. He nods to himself that he'll try to cook something nice for him when he calls over. Youji looked at his bag and decided to root through it for anymore clues. He found his school journal, he's still in the same year, same school. He found his cellphone and opened up his messages. He laughed as the recent ones are from Tetsuo.

'I bought the tea.'

'The grey cat I mentioned yesterday came back this morning.'

'Mom made you some green curry, I'll keep it in the fridge.'

He opened up contacts and laughed again. Three contacts. His sister, Makoto and Tetsuo. It was a step up from the last time he checked his contacts, he had only had his sister and service numbers.  _At least I'm more social in this time._

Youji stepped off the train and walked towards the hospital. Last time he was here was one of the most emotional days he ever experienced. He can't even remember how he reacted at his parents funeral when he was a child but he knows that day at the hospital was one of times he felt loved the most and also felt grief. His sister told him about the true nature of their parents car crash and what his father did to save his life. And then seeing his nephew for the first time and hearing that he was named after him. Seeing Makoto later crying and pouring his heart to Youji in his hospital room. Coming here would prove if some events he experienced did happen or not in this time. Youiji still isn't treating this as reality because the events he remembered, he remembers so vividly. If Makoto is still in the hospital recovering than that means he was affected by Youji's body state and Youji still has that parasite in his body, just hasn't had any pains yet today.

He walked to his sister's room first and peered into the window of the door. It was empty. Slightly confused he walked to the hall where you could see the new borns behind a window. He searched the faces but didn't find his nephew.  _I'll have to ring her later, she might have returned home to her husband._

He turned on his heel and walked upstairs to Makoto's ward. He felt his heart race with tension. If Makoto is here means that he attempted suicide. Because of Youji.  _My existence causes more harm than good. Because of me Makoto thought of ending his life out of sheer guilt and wouldn't be able to return to his happy school life properly. He wasted so much time on me. I was such a bad friend, I didn't give him my phone number. I didn't ask if he was ok when he seemed agitated when he saw me with Tetsuo. If I didn't exist my parents would be alive maybe, alive with my sister-_

Youji's thoughts stopped to a halt when he found himself outside Makoto's room. He found his hand shaking as he tried to hold the knob to turn it. The room was also empty. Youji nervously fingered his hair as he looked around for any hints of Makoto or his belongings. He felt he couldn't be relived yet cos the dark thought of him being dead was burning in the back of his head. His hand slapped his pants pocket and whipped his phone out. He flipped it open and rang Makoto's number.

The dial tone felt like it was ringing in Youji's ear forever, he could fe-

'Yo Youji! What's up! I'm just walking my dog right now, that's why I took so long to pick up.'

Youji let out a breath he didn't know he held. He blinked a few times and found that he was smiling widely.  _He's ok._

'Youji? You there?'

'Y-yeah, yeah I'm here....sorry....I just wanted to hear your voice' Youji said softly

'You heard my voice yesterday morning, jeez! I thought you were at Tetsuo's right now?' 

Youji registered that he said Tetsuo by his first name. He always called him by Shironuma, in a bitter tone too. 

'Ah, no he had to go to work. So I'm actually just....wondering around town right now' Youji walked out the room and decided to just leave the hospital, he can disassociate Makoto with this place now.

'Oh really, wanna meet real quick then? I'm just by the vending machines that have that weird milk flavour.' 

Youji couldn't help to chuckle, he really missed Makoto's energy. In school, he kept telling himself he wasn't good at keeping conversations and struggled to keep up with Makoto's pace. But now he wants to try harder because Makoto chose to talk to him and spend time with him.

'Sounds good. Wait a few minutes, I should be there soon'

'Cool, I'll see you man!'

Youji closed his phone and jogged a bit in excitement.

 

Makoto and Youji walked around the city for a few hours just talking idle talk with Makoto's beagle walking around them happily. Youji usually listens when Makoto talks but he tried harder to have more of a input to the conversation this time.

'Youji, I have to ask you something serious.' Makoto stopped and stared straight into Youji's eyes. The serious air Makoto tried to create was slightly ruined by his beagle hopping around his feet and trying to nip Youji's fingers. He patted the dog's head, not quite sure how to handle dogs since his extend of pets is only the fish tank in his apartment.

'Exams are coming up and its a matter of life and death if I don't get my hands of Tetsuo's study notes. That man can pass a NASA test like it's nothing.'

'Is there a NASA test?'

'Yeah, probably you're missing the point here Youji! You need to get those notes off of him or I will literally die.'

'Literally?'

'Literally.'

Youji started walking again and Makoto followed pace. 'Why don't you just ask him to go through the notes with you? Wouldn't that be easier?'

Makoto opened his mouth and then closed it again. 

'That is very true. Man, I don't know, I don't want to annoy him! Stealing his notes is easier'

Youiji laughed again and looked at his phone for the time. It's nearly 7pm. Maybe he should run to the shop for some food to make something for Tetsuo tonight.

'I'm going to the convenience store for some food to make dinner, do you want to call over for a bit?' 

'I'll have to pass Youji, I can see my little baby is getting tired' Makoto picked up his dog in his hands without much struggle. The beagle yawned and already settled in his arms. 

'I didn't realize we walked for a good while, but you should call over to mine some time. You haven't been there yet. Ask Tetsuo if he wants to come when he doesn't have work. Or when he's not studying.'

'Or taking a NASA test' Youji added

'I'm going to look up if that's a thing tonight'

'Let me know how you get on' Youji turned to leave before petting the dog on the head and waved goodbye to Makoto.

 

Youji walked through the dimly light small store, adding a bag of rice into his basket. Youji felt exhausted talking more than he usually did, but he was happy he really tried. Makoto looked really happy too. Youji collected his thoughts of today. He woke up in Tetsuo's house, Tetsuo is happy and healthy, it's the weekend, both of Makoto and his sister are not in hospital, Makoto is happy and healthy too.  _Why was I so paranoid this morning? Everything is so....normal. Normal for a student life._ Youji stopped on that thought. He never really had a normal student life. He was always sick and had to repeat a year even. He was used to being alone, only had his sister to contact regularly. But now he has Makoto to talk to. And Tetsuo. He has Tetsuo all to himself. Youji smiled at the thought and walked to the self checkout and paid for his food.

Youji unlocked his apartment door and flicked on the lights. He slipped off his loafers and put on his slippers he always leaves nearby. Youji was a little bit of a loss on what to cook so he just bought general food and ingredients. He mostly never eats in large portions, he can never handle them as his health would stop him and just end of binning everything. So from the luck of today he's really hoping he can eat a full meal without a problem. Youji cooked what he thinks is a very basic rice meal with chopped veg and sliced chicken.  _I tried my best Tetsuo, I'm sorry._ While he waited for any call from him, he walked to his fish tank and fed them. He pulled a chair and sat in front of them. The soft blue glow illuminated his small bedroom and always had a calming effect on him. He felt himself doze off a bit as he watched the fish slowly swim around the tank. His phone rang in his pocket and he pulled it out to see Tetsuo's name blinking at him.

'Hello?'

'Hey. I just finished. Do you want me to call up?' Tetsuo's cool and low voice was instantly comforting to Youji. He felt like he haven't heard it in a long time after spending the majority of the day to himself and talking to Makoto.

'Yeah, do. I left the door unlocked' Youji hummed

'Ok. I'll see you soon.' Youji could almost tell he was smiling on the other end. He was hard to read at times since Youji considered himself a listener and Tetsuo had a habit of completely direct or not at all. But it was still fascinating to him figuring out more about him and recognizing his emotions through his subtle ways.

Youji let his phone slide off his hand as he dozed off thinking about Tetsuo and counting the times he smiled around him. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! im sorry again for the long wait but its so nice seeing great and lovely feedback on this little fic! im so happy to know people are enjoying reading this so I wrote this chapter a little longer than the last two so i hope everyone likes it! dont be afraid to comment and tell me what you got this xmas -lots of love from ireland!

Youji laid on the concrete ground behind the school, feeling like a corpse left and forgotten. The rain was relentless and poured down, there was a puddle growing in size around his cold body. The physical pain in his body was unbearable but the seething rage and confusion was even worse. Why did he do this to me. He just used me and left me here. I'm his personal doll, rearranged and then left here. His plaything. He could still feel his burning touches that grabbed places all over his body. I hate him. I hate him because he hates me. Youji watched at a low angle, his tall silhouette become smaller and smaller. He was only able to see him walk away because that’s how he fell on the ground and how he left him like. The burning pain grew bigger. I hate him. I hate him so muc-  

  

Youji woke up to a glowing blue with a pair of fish eyes gazing at him. He felt a heavy hand on his shoulder, gently shaking his frame. He whipped his head around and saw Tetsuo, with the glowing blue hitting off his face.   

'I'm sorry for waking you' Tetsuo bent his knees to be on eye level with Youji who was slouching on his chair. 'I wasn't really sure what to do.'  

Youji chuckled at the thought of him looking lost while he was asleep. 'I should be the one saying sorry. I fell asleep even though you called over back from work.' He sat up properly and made his way into the kitchen, looking back at Tetsuo to follow him.  

'I made some dinner, are you hungry?' He asked while he watched Tetsuo loosen his waist coat and place it on the back of the chair. He was a little stunned of this moment, it was so domestic. _Oh god and I'm the wife of this scene_. But the thought of being domestic with Tetsuo doesn't seem that-  

'I want to....lie in bed with you' Tetsuo's burning golden eyes looked up at Youji, through his blonde lashes. 'If that's ok with you.'   

'Oh y-you must be tired from work!' Youji unintentionally yelped.  He felt blush blooming in his face under Tetsuo's intense stare. Tetsuo's gaze broke though as he let out a yawn, which was tiny in sound.

He sounds like a cat.   

  

Youji lended Tetsuo the largest clothes he could find but he seemed happy with the grey shirt and matching sweatpants. He admired them for a moment in the mirror before sliding under his covers. Youji finished brushing his teeth in the connected bathroom and turned off the taps. As he flicked off the light he watched Tetsuo quietly curl up  and hold his pillow against his face. He opened one eye to look at Youji and patted the empty space on the bed. Youji crawled under the sheets and immediately Tetsuo's arms went around his waist, replacing the pillow. Youji cradled his head as Tetsuo's long legs tangled with his. This closeness, this warmth, it seems like it was natural and they've been doing this for years. With that thought Youji ponders how long the two of them are going out in this timeline. His pale, lanky fingers curl around Tetsuo's sandy locks and pets him in a loving, slow pace. He could feel Tetsuo hum against his body, purring would be a better word. Youji smiles, he's just holding a big cat sleeping on his chest.  

'How was work?' Youji whispers. He didn’t get a response for a moment but he eventually heard a muffled 'fine'. Youji continued to smooth out his hair and looks up at the ceiling. The sounds he could hear was Tetsuo's deep breathing, the bubbles and humming from his fish tank and ambient city noises from outside his window. He was blinking slowly, in rhythm of his hand moving. 

Tetsuo lifted his head slightly to look at Youji with half lidded eyes. 'Did you enjoy the weekend?'  

Youji pushes his blonde fringe behind his ear. 'Hmm?'  

'Did you like the weekend we had together?'   

Youji looked away for a second. If he had to answer truthfully he only remembers yesterday. He had no idea what he did prior to that night when he woke up in this time. Tetsuo could've brought him to a fancy restaurant or they just spent time in his backgarden petting a cat, he wouldn't know at all. He doesnt know how much Tetsuo has done for him. Or any memories they shared, how they even got together as a couple. He let out a quiet sigh. What did he wake up to? A world where everything is, just normal? He just dreamt of himself being left in the rain and he remembers that very well. His relaxed mood shifted to something sad, thinking about the times where he used to be scared of Tetsuo and what he might do.  

'I'll make it up to you, Youji' Tetsuo's clear voice broke his thoughts. He jumped a bit from the sound of his first name said so earnestly. Youji looked down and found golden eyes fully awake, staring. Youji blinked in surprise. _He thinks I'm mad at him._

'You have nothing to make up to me, you dork' Youji mumbled and carded through Tetsuo's hair.  

'…...dork?' Tetsuo said wide eyed. He blinked and then he pushed his face into Youji torso again, curling a bit closer.   

 

Youji couldn’t seem to fall asleep after an hour or so of watching Tetsuo sleeping soundlessly. He couldn't move either, Tetsuo locked hin completely in place. Youji was happy seeing him in such a cute and vulnerable image but he couldn't help sigh a few times - being alone with his loud thoughts. _I'm more paranoid than ever._ Youiji wanted something to distract himself from thinking about the same things over and over. He only spoken to Tetsuo and Makoto so far, so he hasn't had new information or evidence on his predicament. He shifted slightly and switched arms before they felt dead while balancing Tetsuo's head. He heard him grumble at the movement and saw a pair of eyes looking at him. 

'Mmm...can't sleep?' He yawned. _Poor guy, he's a good student and has a side job._  

'Yeah, don't know why really.' Youji answered mostly to himself.  

Suddenly Tetsuo's arms raised his body to hover over Youji's and his eyes were right above his. Those golden eyes searched his face, giving no indentation what's running in his mind. He leaned his face down and pressed his mouth against his. Youji stayed completely still. He felt like he hasn't been touched like this by Tetsuo in months. He knew that was wrong but he knew this air and mood wasn't driven by the parasitic instinct. Maybe it wasn't controlled by pheromones. That's what he hoped it was. 

Tetsuo only applied the lightest pressure on his lips as one of his large hands caressed his cheek to move to slide into his silky dark hair. Youji couldn't help but to let out a small sound, everything Tetsuo did was just so physically affectionate. Youji never felt anything towards his personal appearance but the way Tetsuo stared at him and traced his face made it seem that he was the most precious thing to him. Youji's pale arms curled up to his large back, hugging Tetsuo. He moved his mouth to his neck and tasted his skin as his hands continued to work down from his hair to his slightly shaking shoulders. Tetsuo wasn't doing much but the sensations were heightening everything for Youji. While Youji had his eyes closed, Tetsuo held his hips and flipped their position. Now Youji was on top of him, with Tetsuo's hand on the back of his head.  

'I hope......you are more....relaxed now.' Tetsuo said in-between pecks to Youji's forehead. Youji smiled so wide to himself. _He's so sweet, he doesn't even know._ Youji responded back by tracing patterns slowly into Tetsuo's back with his fingers. 

'I am, thank you.' 

 

'So Youji' Makoto asked while opening up his second ice cream wrapper. 'Did you ask Tetsuo how he's going study for the exams?' Makoto tried to act nonchalant about it but his eyes betrayed him. Youji packed his bag for the next class, clearing his desk.  

'Ask him, he's right over there' Youji tipped his head towards the top of the classroom. Tetsuo caught his eye and perked up at the attention . Makoto groaned in response as Tetsuo walked over. 

'Good morning, Makoto'  

What Youji gathered this morning is that Tetsuo leaves him and Makoto to talk together in the school and there doesn't seem to be any tension or jealousy for his attention. Youji really liked the relaxed air in school so far, it was a good morning with him and Tetsuo getting a train together and walking to school there too. He remembers that he used to do all of these things alone but so far he had someone with him or talked to him all day.  

'Yoo Tetsuo' Makoto stood up straight to make him the same height as Tetsuo, chewing on his ice cream. 'Youji and I need your help. Youji more so.' Youji shot him a glare. 

'What is it?' Tetsuo's face tensed and his hands raised towards Youji. 

'Aah...it's a academic problem. Youji is not in physical danger don’t worry.' Makoto laughed at Tetsuo dropping his shoulders and looking away. Youji laughed knowing that he was blushing in his own way. Makoto grabbed one of Tetsuo's hand and pulled it up between themselves. 

'I'll get to the point here, we need your brain and talents to pass the upcoming exam. Please help us Tetsuo-sensei.' Makoto waited for a response or any kind of reaction while still gripping his hand. 

'You mean....help you two study?' 

'To put it very bluntly, yes. But in return, we can do it in my house! I'll treat ye to the best mother Mita dinners ever, plus you two haven't been to my place yet. Two birds with one stone.' Makoto was jumping with excitement just thinking about eating dinner. 

'That's fine with me' Tetsuo nodded. Youji looked at him.  

'Are you sure? It's not taking up any important time is it?'  

Tetsuo turned to Youji completely and spoke in a quiet tone so Makoto wouldn’t hear well. 

'I'm spending more time with you, that’s important to me.'   

Youji's face instantly blushed at the direct statement and he pushed Tetsuo's shoulder. 

'How can you say something like that with a straight face!' 

'Hey, hey! Over here!' Makoto playfully shook Tetsuo's large shoulders. 'So I can confirm you will help me and Youji to study then, yes?'  

'He's helped me study before.' Youji says remembering the two of them in his room and then dozing off together. It was one of his favourite memories. It was when he saw Tetsuo gentle looking for the first time.  

Tetsuo looked at him in confusion.  

'Did I? When?' 

Youji's heart dropped. The air became stilled and awkward. 

'W-what? Don't you remember? Kamina-sensei told you to help me and....' 

Tetsuo was not following and still looked confused. 

It didn't happen. He doesn't remember because it didn't happen. A sense of sadness washed over Youji. All of his nice memories with Tetsuo....didn't happen. The simple moments together, them eating alone on the rooftop, Tetsuo taking him out to eat ramen with him and- 

'You're probably thinking of another giant blonde guy in our school Youji, don’t look so worried about it.' Makoto laughed. Youji tried to laugh as well but it came out as a harsh noise. The three boys stood in confused silence and nobody wasn't sure what to do. Youji wanted to run to the bathrooms, his old haven but before his legs kicked off the bell rang and the boys separated quickly. 

 

Youji didn’t pay much attention in class which made him feel bad since he vowed to himself last night he's gonna put more effort into schoolwork but he couldn't help but sigh and draw hard lines in his copy book. He was upset. He has no idea why him and Tetsuo are together. He has memories what build his relationship with him before but now in a time where there was no outside control from Kamina and others for him and Tetsuo to make contact. He was even more frustrated that he couldn't ask Tetsuo himself. How couldn't he just ask 'when did you first talk to me and why' 'do you love me and why'. Youji looked at his page, he had ink slashes filling it. He turned the page and continued. Even with his pervious life, it was horrible and tragic and his time with Tetsuo was limited but at the end he didn't feel alone in the situation. But now. He felt alone again. Everyone is safe and healthy. But no-one knows what Youji knows.  

 

Youji looked at himself in the boys bathrooms mirror. He was mad at himself for making a mess on his notebook and feeling selfish. _Why am I being so picky when everyone is safe and happy? I got upset that no-one remembers those nightmare-ish things. What a joke._ He turned on the tap and splashed his face a few times. He tried to calm his breathing and make himself relax. He let out a bitter laugh gazing at the stall where he used to run to every time he felt that pain in his stomach. He rubbed his stomach in a wave of weird nostalgia. He almost felt like a past patient walking through a hospital ward he used to be kept at.  

He checked his phone for the time and relieved to see the school day is nearly over  

 

Youji pulled out his leather loafers  from his locker and swapped them with the indoor shoes, in a daze it was all his muscle memory moving his body. He decided to just go straight home without seeing Tetsuo and Makoto anymore today, he felt too embarrassed to talk to them. He walked past the Virgin Mary statue by the entrance door and began to walk fast to his train station. He heard students around him talking and laughing loudly and then the 4 o clock chime ringing loudly but he could swear someone was calling his name. Youji stood on the platform watching the train tracks praying it would show up faster. He suddenly felt a gentle brush against his elbow and he turned around instictivley.  

'I was calling....you...but I think you didn't hear me' Tetsuo breathed. _Oh no, he must have ran to catch up me._ Youji cursed at himself again and just didn’t want to feel more annoying today. 

'I'm sorry, I didn't. Youji slightly lied. Tetsuo straightened up properlly when his breathing calmed down and searched Youji's face. Youji squirmed under his overruling gaze and clasped his shoulder bag's strap across his chest. 

'Are you....upset with me?' Youji expected his usual neutral tone of voice but instead came out was a wavered voice. He instantly panicked. 

'No, not at all! I'm sorry, I'm worrying you. I just don’t feel....too well that’s why I was heading home.' Youji looked into his face but it still looked a bit sad. 

'I'm....bad at...expressing myself. Did I say something that...-' Youji watched Tetsuo struggle voicing himself and it made himself feel worse about wanted to leave without saying anything to him. 

'Tetsuo' Youji put on his most calming voice he could muster. He placed his hand on Tetsuo's upper arm in comfort. 

'It was nothing you did. Believe me, there's nothing really you can do to upset me.' Youji added to lighten the mood and hopefully make Tetsuo feel less tense. He rubbed his hand up and down. 

'Maybe if you ate one of my topical fish, I might get upset with you.' He saw Tetsuo's mouth twitch which he hopes was a small smile. 

'Ok' Tetsuo sighed. He touched Youji's hand with his smooth tanned fingers  in response. Youji beamed up at him and was glad he looked less worried. Even just a little bit. 

 

They sat down together on the train, setting their bags down on the ground. The jostling noises shook both the boys as it sped through the city. They sat in comfortable silence, shoulder to shoulder. A few moments passed when Tetsuo's voice broke through the mechanical noises. 

'Do you still feel sick? Do you want me to get you medicine?'  

'Huh?' Youji almost forgot. 'N-no, I just need some rest that’s all. I felt sleepy in class.' 

Tetsuo whistled through his nose. 'I noticed'  

Something sparked in Youji's mind. _That's one of the first things Tetsuo used to do to me. I know this._ _He'd stare me at me in class. When he was reading out loud, during exams. He always spotted me when I fell asleep._ _Any time._  

Was it in just Tetsuo's personality to do, just to watch people? Did he do the same with Makoto? Or did he only watch him because he was, a osu? 

Youji slightly shook his head to put a halt to his thoughts and looked at Tetsuo. 

'Did you and Makoto choose a day to study?' 

'Oh yeah' Tetsuo hummed. 'Tomorrow actually.' 

'It should be lively, if it's in Makoto's house' Youji laughed  

Tetsuo tipped his head above Youji. 

'Your stop.' 

Youji grabbed his bags and stood up but when he was about to walk off he looked at Tetsuo, not sure what to say suddenly. 

'Text me.' Tetuo brushed his hand once more. 'If you feel better.'  

Youji smiled and brushed back, appreciating the subtle affections in a public space 

'I will'   


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im bak bitches i wrote a chapter thats longer than the last in apology for not updating for ages, enjoy!! comment your thoughts i love reading them!!  
> listen to this when reading if you can its nice to go with it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yv7u3yEIObo

_Tetsuo leaned his head onto Youji’s chest, as if to hear his heartbeat. Youji’s looked down. Wide shoulders, firm muscles – definitely a body of a man. But he wasn't scared…._   
_There were little moments like this._   
_‘Call for me, anytime’ he whispered._

Youji sighed while his fingers hovered over the keypad of his phone. Even though he scolded himself for feeling upset earlier today at school he still couldn't feel heavily disheartened. When he closed his eyes, he remembers all the peaceful moments when he was just getting to know who Tetsuo is. Even in amidst of horror and despair, the two found times to enjoy eachother’s company. But now, he can’t mention these moments and share them with Tetsuo.  
_What if I do and it triggers his memory and then he remembers every nightmare we experienced?_  
Youji shook his head. He didn’t want Tetsuo’s new peaceful life to be disturbed because Youji feels whiny and alone. No, I shouldn’t care. I’ll handle the burden of our previous life. There’s no need for the two of us to remember. Again, maybe it didn’t happen at all.  
Youji looked back down on his phone screen, he promised to text Tetsuo when he got home. Enough of me second guessing, I should really appreciate what I have now and life this better life.  
‘Had a nap and I feel better : ) You left your umbrella here, do you want me to bring it into school tomorrow?’  
Youji wanted to direct the conversation to not be about himself since Tetsuo looked so worried about him on the way home. He didn’t have a nap earlier but with the thought of it now he stood up to get changed into his pjs. He laid down on his bed holding his phone in one hand. A sad wave went over him as he thought that he sleeps the best with Tetsuo is with him. He curled in on himself, into a fetal position trying to envelope himself in heat. He stared into his pillow for a while until his trance was broken with his phone vibrating in his hand. Seeing his name blinking on this small screen immediately lifted his mood.  
‘Thanks for letting me know. You can keep the umbrella for a while, it looks like it’s not going to rain this week.’  
Youji huffed a laugh. He’s so weird and ordinary at the same time. Youji can’t speak for himself, but he knows that’s not how people his age text like. Youji flipped to the other side of his bed, looking where Tetsuo laid last night.  
An idea went through his head and before he could even think about it, his fingers started typing a text.  
‘It’s lonely in this place without you.’  
Youji sent it and closed his phone with a snap in his own embarrassment. I can’t believe I sent that, I just saw him a few hours ago. He pulled the covers over his face and hopes Tetsuo just ignores that clingy text.  
He felt the vibrations beside his head again and his curiosity made him open his phone to see what he replied.  
‘It’s lonely in my house without you too’  
Youji stared at the text for a few minutes and felt a smile grow on his face. At that moment, Youji swore to himself not to think about anymore of his ‘previous life’. I’m ignoring the Tetsuo I have right now, in front of me.  
‘I’ll see you tomorrow morning : )’

‘Youji I hope you’re ready for the ultimate study session of your teenage life’  
The class bell rang as Makoto turned around to Youji’s desk, immediately unwrapping a snack he kept in his pocket.  
‘I don’t know if I’m ready now, I didn’t know it was the ultimate I thought it was just a normal one.’ Youji smiled as he collecting his pens into his pencil case. Makoto let out a chuckle not expecting Youji’s response.  
‘You’ve gotten funnier recently! I’m so proud!’ Youji raised his head in surprise. What was I like beforehand-  
Youji mentally slapped himself. Don’t think about what ifs, it doesn’t matter anymore.  
‘I’m only funny just now?’ Youji smirked back.  
‘Sorry to break it to you, yeah’ Makoto scrunched up the wrapper in his hand, dusting off the crumbs from Youji’s desk.  
‘I won’t see you until the end of day so when you walk out, meet me by the gates with Tetsuo and the three of us can walk to my house. Tell that to Tetsuo as well’  
‘Got it.’ Youji smiled and stood to leave for his next class, waved Makoto a goodbye.  
Youji walked into the open area of the school, taking in the fresh air. He found himself in a good mood, even looking forward to studying with Tetsuo and Makoto. If it’s in Makoto’s house it should definitely be lively. Youji hummed to himself thinking about what Makoto’s room could look like but something caught his eye. It was a silhouette that he would recognize anywhere.  
‘Z-Zenya?’ Youji accidently shouted.  
The tall figure, strangely in full uniform and not his casual clothes and hat turned around at the sound. Both stared at each other what felt like more than a few seconds. Zenya had his long blonde hair tied back in a neat ponytail, out of his face. Both eyes stared at Youji in shock. Youji stammered to say something but Zenya turned around to run away.  
‘Wait!’  
Youji ran after him. Something in his mind was racing and pushing his body forward. _What was with that reaction to me? Why is he scared of me?_ Youji continued to run after him into the corridors where it was relatively quiet with little to no students around.  
‘Zenya! Please!’ Youji was starting to run out of breath, he watched Zenya’s long legs carry him further away. Just as Youji turned into another hallway he saw that Zenya led himself to a dead end. He was breathing harshly, bullets of sweat running down from his face. Something told Youji he wasn’t sweating from the running, but with fear.  
Youji walked pensively up to him with his hands up, hoping to not look threatening.  
‘Zenya? Why-‘ Youji wasn’t sure what to ask specifically in this confusing situation.  
‘Leave me alone!’ Zenya ran his hand through his now loose ponytail.  
‘You didn’t talk to me before so why did you want to now? My life now is normal! I have friends!’ Zenya shouted, his eye shooting around Youji to see if he could run past him.  
Youji paled Zenya’s statements.  
‘W-what…do you mean? I don’t understand, please Zenya, explain to me-‘  
‘You got what you wanted, so let me live!’ If this was the Zenya Youji knew, he would have pushed Youji up to a wall and threatened and imitate him. Now it seems to be the reverse. Zenya can’t even look at Youji in the eye and can’t take steps towards him.  
‘Zenya…do…do you remember-’ Youji took in a shaking breath, his thoughts speeding through his head. ‘Do you remember our lives previous to this? It was different from this, wasn’t it?’  
Zenya was shaking his head, avoiding Youji’s questions trying to ignore him.  
‘You’re the only one who remembers, aren’t you Zenya?’ Youji was taking slow steps towards him, _I can’t lose him this is the closest thing I have to answer my suspensions. I can’t let him go_  
Zenya stared at Youji for a moment before a quiet voice was mumbled out.  
‘Why are you only asking me this now? Why didn’t you ask me weeks ago?’  
‘I….’ Youji tugged at his school shirt, looking down at the ground to think of his answer. ‘Those memories….came to me a few nights ago…’ He looked up at Zenya again who was listening keenly.  
‘It’s the only thing I remember. I don’t remember anything of this.’ Youji waved his arm around him. ‘I don’t know any of this, this life.’  
There was something terrifying and gratifying saying these words out loud. This has been buzzing in his head for the past days and felt like he couldn’t share it with anyone, not to Tetsuo. And now, out of all the people, Zenya was standing there listening, understanding him.  
Zenya walked up to Youji slowly, his demeanour calming down.  
‘Youji, just leave it. You’re wasting your energy looking into this.’ Youji was about to speak again until Zenya held up his hand.  
‘Why would you want to remember that crazy shit? Do you want to go back to that?’ Zenya took a step again and familiar feelings were returning to Youji. He felt a bit intimated as Zenya stared him down with cold eyes. He was used to only one of his eyes looking at him but now both are staring with intensity, hate.  
‘I sure as fuck don’t!’ He pointed at his eyes. ‘Look at this! My life is actually normal, something you’re taking for granted!’  
Youji shrank, feeling guilty. I don’t even understand how awful his life must have been-  
Zenya picked up on Youji’s sheepish expression and peered into his face.  
‘You’re just as cute as before when you’re scared.’ He laughed, flicked Youji’s bangs and walked past him, leaving him alone.  
Youji stood there, shaken. He let go his tight grip on his jumper he didn’t know he held onto for so long. He walked to the bathroom in a trance, like his muscle memory just led him there whenever he wanted to be alone.

 

‘Tetsuo, do you want to give Youji a text to see where he is? He might have forgotten we were studying today.’ Makoto watched Tetsuo pull out a dated looking flip phone from his bag and began typing. Makoto leaned against the wall outside the school and shifted the weight of books to his other shoulder. Just when Tetsuo was about to speak the boys both turned around to hear Youji’s footsteps jogging towards them.  
‘Youji!’ ‘Youji’  
Youji was a little out of breath, fixing his hair out of his face.  
‘H-hey…did you two wait long? I’m sorry…’ Youji mumbled.  
‘Hey, don’t look so upset Youji we were only wondering where you where!’ Makoto clapped his back and looked into his face, only for Youji to avoid eye contact. Tetsuo stood silent watching Youji shift in discomfort.  
‘Y-yeah, I just took a bit longer to clean up my desk, sorry again.’  
‘Enough with the apologies man, you haven’t committed a crime!’ Makoto laughed. He linked his arm under Youji’s in hopes to raise his head. ‘Cmon lets start walking, I am so hungry I could eat Tetsuo’s phone that’s from 1994.’  
Tetsuo continued to stare at Youji as they walked further from the school building.  
Makoto tried to ignore the weird air between the boys but didn’t want it to stay for the rest of the day since he was looking forward to this. Makoto felt like a spinning wheel of conversation topics was turning at his head, taking anything he can think of first.  
‘Tetsuo! Have you ever thought about joining the basketball team? You’re probably the tallest person I’ve ever seen. You could be the hoop even.’ Makoto laughed, nudging Youji.  
‘No, I have no interest in sports.’ Tetsuo said, not even acknowledging the joke.  
‘O-oh’ Makoto smile faltered a tiny bit, his head whipped to Youji. ‘Youji! What about yourself? You’re even taller than me! Both of you could be a team alone.’  
Makoto waited for Youji to respond, only for him to look at him a few seconds later.  
‘S-sorry Makoto were you talking to me?’ Youji half smiled in apology, still not quite looking at him.  
Makoto wanted to be mad but he could never really be at Youji. But he held back on saying the first things that came to his head.  
‘Youji are you ok? You seem kinda….uh’ Makoto wanted to find a nice word to say but Tetsuo beat him to it.  
‘Distracted.’ Youji looked up at both of them in surprise with his mouth flapping a bit.  
‘N-no, I’m fine! Let’s keep walking, don’t worry about me. Im just a bit…tired’ Youji sounded disappointed at himself from his lame excuse.  
‘If you’re too tired we don’t have to do this you know’ Makoto said in a comforting tone.  
‘No! Really, I’ll wake up from the walk. I’m ok, honestly.’ Youji looked at Makoto and then up to Testuo, as usual his face unreadable. His golden eyes stared right into his own, searching for something. Then Tetsuo turned his head and the three continued walking.

 

‘You guys wait here and get comfortable, I’ll bring some drinks’ Makoto called through his hallway as he left his bedroom. Youji more or less had an idea what it would look like and he was right. It was as colourful as he was, the walls were bright blue with posters of bands, games and movies covering up most of the wall space with more mixed bright colours. A pile of laundry was next to his small tv with another pile of gaming consoles wrapped up in wires of the controllers like a modern sculpture piece. On his low table where Tetsuo and Youji sat at in the centre of the large enough room, had wrappers of snacks where Makoto cleaned up quickly in embarrassment when they stepped in first. Tetsuo took out his books and notepads from his bag and onto the table in an orderly fashion as Youji was trying to read and recognize the stack of dvds and games that was the nearest to him. At this point, Youji thought, anything to distract myself. He could feel that Tetsuo was watching him carefully and then continuing not saying a word to him either. He had no idea what he’s thinking right now and what he could say, he’s praying for Makoto to come back and control the conversation again. He felt himself become more panicked with ideas of what Tetsuo would say or do even though he hasn’t done anything at all.  
‘Oh wow Makoto has the Power Rangers movies on dvd, haha’ Youji said out loud, hoping Tetsuo to respond but he continued to empty his bag and set up the table silently. Youji pulled out a dvd from the self and started to read the back. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen this one….’ Youji already felt stupid and regretted speaking since he was getting no pay off. He felt like Tetsuo was mad at him but he knew that there wasn’t really a reason for him to be mad.  
‘Tetsuo! Could you get the door my hands are full’ Youji’s head snapped up at Makoto’s voice, feeling relived. Tetsuo stood silently and held the door while Makoto came in holding tray with a mountain of snacks and three glasses.  
The two boys sat down while Youji put the dvd back into the self. Makoto noticed and smiled.  
‘Are you into Power Rangers too? I think I’ll never get sick watching this show.’ Makoto folded his legs and began to take one of the snacks and rip the wrapping apart.  
‘I remember watching a bit with my sister that’s all, I don’t thin-‘  
‘We should start studying’ Tetuo’s low voice cut off Youji’s in both his and Makoto’s surprise.  
Youji blinked and was about to respond but Makoto quickly responded.  
‘You’re right Tetsuo we were the ones who asked you!’ Makoto glanced at Youji who looked a bit disheartened, nudged him and smiled. Youji returned it.

 

Youji never felt so stupid in his life. It was a thing for teachers only to know his grades but both Makoto and Tetuo looked at his worksheet to see he did not understand the exercise at all.  
Makoto read his attempted answers again holding the sheets up with a mixed expression.  
‘Youji…we did this chapter last week. How did you completely forget?’  
Youji could only try to remember what he learned in school from his previous memory but then, he barely came in, was too ill to concentrate in class and too tired to do homework at home. He had to repeat solely because of his health, he knows he’s not dumb. But this, was just embarrassing, he can’t pull off that he’s knows what they’ve been studying in school without him.  
‘Yeah…I know I guess it literally slipped my mind.’ Youji laughed meekly. He just wanted to go home now.  
‘That’s what must’ve happened, you’re usually on top of the stuff in class’ Makoto said trying to cheer him up. Youji groaned internally. _I’m one of the people who’s top of the class? How did I manage that? I have to pick up now so it won’t seem I literally have forgotten what my life was like prior 5 days ago_.  
Youji looked at the time on his phone and decided that he should go home because it’s his last train running soon. _I just want to go before I embarrass myself further._  
‘I’ll walk you home’ Tetsuo spoke, packing his bags.  
‘No! Its fine that’s too much hassle for you and it’s not that dark outside.’ Youji protested. He just wanted to go home alone and not think about social contact for a few hours.  
‘Youji, I’ll walk you home’ Tetsuo’s tone stopped Youji from arguing with him. Makoto looked back and forth between the two boys, not understanding the air. He stood up and walked the boys to the door of his house.  
‘Tetsuo, thanks again for your study notes! We can only tell if they went into my head or not when exam days comes!’ Makoto laughed while unlocking the front door.  
‘It’s no problem’  
‘Pity my mom wasn’t home today she would’ve loved to cook a giant dinner for you two.’ Makoto turned around to look at the two of them. ‘That means you two have to come back again’  
Youji let out a light laugh and thanked him for having them over. Makoto waved them off and gave them directions to the train station. The sky was turning orange to darker blues, the street lights beginning to glow. Youji and Tetsuo walked in silence with a bit of distance between eachother. Youji concreted intensely on his bag, wishing to get to his house as quick as he can. Youji hated feeling like this, embarrassed and then wishing to escape Tetsuo’s company.  
Youji heard a deep sigh from Tetsuo, grabbing his attention.  
‘Youji’  
‘Y-Yes?’  
Again he could feel his golden eyes stare intensely towards his way, he didn’t want to make direct contact. But it seemed that Tetsuo wasn’t going to continue until he did. Youji peeked a looked only to be surprised how soft his face was. Tetsuo looked worried.  
‘You…seem….’  
Youji gulped, scared to think that he caught him out on something.  
‘distracted…ever since Saturday night….at my house…’ Tetsuo finished, with his brows knotted. He slowed his walking, making Youji follow this pace. Youji looked down in a strange shame.  
_He was able to pin point exactly when I remembered everything._  
Tetsuo took a step towards him and his hand brush his arm.  
‘Are you ok?’  
Youji’s eyes lingered at Tetsuo’s hand, his gold skin contrasting his milky white skin.  
‘I’m…really just having an off week.’ Youji mumbled the lame excuse. He felt Tetsuo’s thumb rub and rotate a patch of skin on his arm.  
‘You asked me something….on Saturday night, at my house.’ Tetsuo’s voice was closer and softer, almost to comfort and calm Youji as much as he could, as he predicted that he would get anxious of his statement.  
‘What was it?’ Youji’s panicked eyes stared back at Tetsuo.  
‘You woke up scared, asking me if I was real. The real Tetsuo.’  
Youji paled as the look of concern and worry wore on Tetsuo’s face as he said this. Youji at this point knew he had to change subject and focus on something else. But he began talking without really realising it. His body curled towards Tetsuo’s chest, not caring that they were in open neighbourhood. Tetsuo’s other arm raised to rest on his back, waiting for an answer.  
‘I had a nightmare. A nightmare that…you got hurt.’ Youji said. ‘Because of me’ He blurted.  
Youji felt Tetsuo’s arms hug around him lightly, maybe in consideration of Youji’s dislike of public affection. But he received the gesture and the emotion behind it.  
‘You know that wouldn’t happen. That’s why it was only just a nightmare.’ Youji looked up at Tetsuo, surprised at what he said. So confident, so soft, so unwavering. He let his forehead fall on Tetsuo’s collarbone, hiding his blushing cheeks.  
‘Can….’ Youji mumbled.  
‘Hm?’ Tetsuo brushed the top of Youji’s silky hair.  
‘Can we go to your house?’


End file.
